All on this blog is Copyright (if you use my work and don't ask me i'll eat you)


Link to Bandcamp Store;

https://paneye.bandcamp.com/


Thursday, November 24, 2022

Art and Music Night with Paneye


Snippet of me playing "I Stumbled Upon Her Ruins", filmed by Kim

Gig Night for Paneye



My first gig in a long time. I played for nearly 2 hours at El Roco in Kings Cross while the lovely Keira Wellard nude-modelled in the foreground. It all went very well and the audience was attentive and appeared to really like my songs. It’s inspired me to keep gigging and take my Paneye show out to a wider audience. 

The entire gig was filmed so I’ll post it later on. 





Sunday, November 20, 2022

Friday, November 18, 2022

Under the Night of Pan


The solid ground is fragile
The void
Of sky and space is eternal 

Nothingness is permanent
Anything
Solid can be broken apart

The ancient trees drew their gnarled roots
Out from the earth
And followed him

Stepped on a diamond lattice 
Of clay
And rotten leaves

Broken open he
Disappeared beneath
The forest

The moon above whispered
All that is great
Is built upon pyramids of sorrow

Sunday, November 13, 2022

Walking down to Cooper Park

 







Testing my metal knee on the steepest downhill street in Bellevue Hill. My legs are getting stronger and strrrrronger. There’s quite a bit of nerve damage and pain but I’ll push through it. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Maudlin

 


Twinkle little maudlin star

You seem so near

And yet

So far


Floating there

For several years

On a river of your tears



Sunday, November 6, 2022

killing the most beautiful thing I ever had - Paneye (reup)


Reupload of the music vid Johahn made. Something went wrong with the main link.

Link to original post: Here

Saturday, November 5, 2022

I inherit sleep by Paneye




I wish I had the ability to see
Crocodiles
Underneath the water

Succumbing to passion
I'm weak
Her pomegranate flowers

I inherit nothing but sleep
Life buries the meek
Underneath the tower

I inherit
Nothing
But sleep

So I'll sail away 
Underneath my sheets
My love for you burns me
Every single hour

I'll crawl away
Underneath my sheets
Your time with me 
Was frozen last week 
In golden amber.


Saturday, October 29, 2022

Gig time in the Cross




Playing my first gig in a while. I’ll be providing some guitar tunes for this nude drawing class in the Cross. 



Thursday, October 27, 2022

Aquatherapy


Leg Building in the Eastpoint Pond

 

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

The ancient trees drew their gnarled roots out from the earth and followed him


     The solid ground is fragile 
and the void of sky and space is eternal

Nothingness is permanent,
anything solid can be broken apart.



The ancient trees drew their gnarled roots 
out from the earth

And followed him

      


Stepped on a diamond lattice of clay 
and rotten leaves

Broken open

He disappeared beneath the forest

              



The moon above whispers

All that is great is built upon pyramids of sorrow



Friday, October 21, 2022

Day by day


Day by day

I take this

Day by day

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

False gold that turned to leaves


I was a worm
existing in mere minutes,
hours and days

This large aquarium
I live inside
isn't real, I say.

I'm surrounded by 
plastic grass
encircled in a dome of glass.

I crawl on plains of algae sand
swirling slimy grains I pass  

I see my owners
panning eyes
peering through the globe at me

I open my mouth to speak
but only shy little bubbles
trickle out
through my teeth.


 

Monday, October 17, 2022

Water - What axolotls have taught me


I am a fish lover and I’ve started keeping a large collection of different types of fish, including axolotls.

Since becoming a fish owner and aquarium keeper I have been horrified to discover that Sydney tap water kills all fish, including the notoriously hardy goldfish.

I must heavily treat Sydney tap water to make it liveable for fish, including removing chlorine and ammonia from it. 

Is this water that I want to be drinking? I don’t think so. I also break out in a rash every time I shower in Sydney tap water, especially on my face. Showering in filtered water (vitamin C filter) has resolved the problem. I also noticed my overall sense of health and brightness has massively improved after I stopped drinking Sydney tap water. 

Careful about what you put in your body ladies and gents! Spring water is a good option, although the ideal h20 is freshly melted glacial water from a mountain stream. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

The Greater Key of Solomon: Stronger and More Potent Conjuration

Warning: I am recounting a terrifying experience I had with black magick. I am writing this approximately one day after having this experience. 

Before I recount my experience with black magick, I want to provide some background on how I became involved with it.

I have been interested in the occult and esoteric religion for quite some time, having read a large number of books on the subject. From Manly P Hall to Kenneth Grant, I have found the literature fascinating. Although I was always undecided about whether I believed in it, I have appreciated how important it has been to many leading figures in history. 

Several months ago I was browsing an antique shop and found a golden Seal of Solomon necklace and I began wearing it as a good luck charm. My great grandfather was an English Freemason and my great grandmother is Jewish, so I found it appropriate to wear. I also recently inherited my great grandfather's Freemasonic ring and started to wear it too. You can see these items in the photo below.


Since I began wearing the Seal of Solomon, some unintentional and frightening photos of me have emerged. I started to suspect it might be related to the powerful hexagram I was wearing. You can see the Seal of Solomon shining brightly around my neck in the photo below, whilst enjoying a night of music and drinks with my old friend Barry.


Johahn, who was with me when I bought the necklace from the antique shop started noticing the eerie photos.


This brings me to the present and the terrifying experience I had with King Solomon's magick.

Three days ago I purchased King Solomon's Grimoires - The Greater Key of Solomon, The Testament of Solomon and The Lesser Key of Solomon. I was unaware of the serious nature and legitimacy of these books. I purchased them in both written and audiobook format to listen to while nursing my broken leg. I found listening to audiobooks in the evening soothing and I initially started with Manly P Hall's books. This led me to King Solomon.

King Solomon is an ancient Israeli monarch who became famous for his ability to control demons with seals and spells. I became increasingly interested in King Solomon during the course of my readings into the occult as it was apparent that he was the oldest and most revered of all the occult mystics. While I found it fascinating, I was unaware of the true danger involved.

As night fell, I put on my headphones and began listening to the translated audiobooks of King Solomon. These translations were made by Aleister Crowley (amongst others) who was the leading English occultist.

As I listened to the introduction of The Greater Key of Solomon, I drifted off to sleep. All I remember from the intro was the narrator warning of powerful evil spells.

What happened next is the most terrifying experience I have ever had. 

I had a dream, which felt more like sleep paralysis, where I was in my bedroom and strong incantations were swirling around me. Cold, strong fingers grabbed my broken leg, causing it to violently jerk up and down in a fit. It was like I was having a seizure, but it was originating only from my leg in powerful spasms. I could distinctively feel fingers drumming and tapping up and down my leg and the presence of an entity in the bedroom.

This abruptly woke me up. I threw the headphones off and looked at my audiobook. I had reached "Chapter 6: Stronger and more potent conjurations" which had been playing for approximately 2-3 minutes. The narrator's voice was chanting a spell.

I inhaled deeply and turned to Johanh, who had roused from sleep too, apparently from my leg's violent jerking and kicking. I told her what happened and she was scared and told me "I was dreaming that you turned your head to me, smiling blankly, while jerking your leg up and down and slamming it into the bed." Somehow we had shared a dream. It sounded like possession from what I've read in the past, potentially by a "mischievous demon". It felt like I'd been toyed with by an entity and my leg felt sore.

I have limited education around matters of conjuring spirits. Johahn and I both lay in bed trying to make sense of what had just happened, thoroughly spooked. I reminded Johahn of the Seal of Solomon necklace that I was wearing and showed it to her. I told her that I felt that I had left my bed, but in spirit form, and was floating around my home. I am fully immobile with my broken leg so it's impossible that my body left the bedroom.


The above image is an illustration I created to capture my encounter with the "entity".

From this experience I am now very respectful of the contents of King Solomon's books. My leg has been broken for 3 weeks now and I've been lying in bed since then, waiting for the bones to heal. The point being, I'm completely immobile and this book brought my leg to life.

Please be careful if you ever dare to read these books. There is real magick contained within its pages and I feel it must be greatly respected. I am hoping I don't need an exorcist.  

 


Sunday, October 2, 2022

the Lord of the Air

 


Behold the dark fowls of the air: they sow not,

neither reap, nor gather in barns; 

yet the Lord of all that Flies increaseth us.

The only God who comes when called.

                         ~

Just remember.

No matter how clever you creep up upon the mirror

Your reflection always looks at you

Straight in the eye.


Sitting in the black park


On top of the hill, in my old childhood suburb, I sat and stared off into the distance. It was a grey day and the sun was sinking low behind a long spine of clouds that stretched beyond the Cooks River. That winding, muddy river where I used to walk alone for hours after school, listening to my sony discman. My favorite song back then was called Wolf Moon, and I used to find it such a darkly romantic song. The perfect soundtrack to my naive teenage angst, as I sat in the mangroves and watched the river flow by.

I don't know how I ended up on this hill. I had long since moved on from this place. But here I was. 

I looked down the hill towards the nature strip that lined the road, right by the school for special children. 

That nature strip, where I used to play tag with the neighborhood kids, seemed so much bigger back then. The school was still the same though. A small, empty school where I used to ride my skateboard after the special kids had left for the day. I used to find it such a peaceful place. But now it just seemed sad and empty.

I walked down the hill towards the park with the dead grass and cricket pitch encased in a rusty cage. I had spent so many hours in that park, throwing balls to my brothers and chasing them around the old cage. We used to climb all over that cage. It was our obstacle course. The concrete cricket pitch underneath the cage was the lava. We were like monkeys, swinging ourselves around the cage. We'd drop ourselves onto the grass and race to the old soccer goal posts at the end of the park. We'd climb up and down those tall, metal goal posts and see who was fastest.

By the time I reached the park, the sky had turned black. The park sat just in front of my childhood house. A huge house that the kids in the neighborhood thought belonged to a witch. It was a house with many pointed frames, almost like a large, wooden church.

I entered the park and walked to the middle of the grassy field, beyond the rusty cricket cage, and sat on the grass. I was surrounded by the night and the shadows. 

Nobody could see me there in the black park. I sat silently and watched the lights in my old childhood house. I watched the outlines of people move inside the windows. I saw the shadow of my mother through the window, her crazy, curly hair unmistakable. She was moving around upstairs. I saw my dad. I heard his deep, booming voice calling me for dinner. "Willy! Wiiilllly! Dinner's ready." I smiled to myself as I sat there, letting the memories and my imagination take over.

Sitting in the dark, I felt like the bogeyman. Nobody could see me there. 

"What are you doing here?"  

I looked up. "Why are you sitting out here in the dark?"

Johahn had found me. I felt a bit embarrassed. She must have thought I’m weird, sitting out here alone.



"What are you looking at?" Johahn asked me.

"Oh, I'm just watching my old house. The lights. I can see people in there."

Johahn looked confused as she turned towards my old house.

"There's no one there."

I followed her puzzled gaze towards the old, dark house that looked like it belonged to a witch. There were no lights and it looked like it had been empty for years.

"Come on, let's go" said Johahn as she smiled at me. "You're such a strange man."

I got up and we left the park together, walking towards the river in the distance. 

Saturday, October 1, 2022

The bright city forest at night


It was nighttime and I was next to Martin Place, at the entrance to the botanic gardens.
 

The botanic gardens had been transformed into a giant, luscious forest. The night sky was brilliant and impossibly starry, like a Van Gough painting, making the forest both dark and bright simultaneously. The forest itself was large and it would take at least an hour to cross, end to end, if one moved through it at a brisk pace. 

The forest was a strange mixture of lush, dense foliage and urban decay, with traces of humanity. It was a city forest that somehow felt both remote and urban. Scattered throughout the forest were old shopping trollies, garbage and, strangest of all, passed-out ravers and party people from the many rows of nightclubs that now populated Martin Place. These people would take epic party drugs at the clubs and raves and then go into the forest and sleep for days. Sleeping off the drugs. They didn’t care at all. 


On either side of the forest were grassy knolls that marked the forest’s edge. Beyond the grassy knolls were imposingly tall, dark skyscrapers that looked more like Gotham City than Sydney. 


Johahn and I crossed the forest to the grassy knoll on the Martin Place side and found a telescope on a hill. The telescope was somehow focused at an impossible angle. Looking through the telescope’s glass, I could see the grassy knoll on the other side of the forest, through the trees. The telescope was angled up the gradient of the distant knoll, which looked through the grass to a view of the beautiful, swirling starry sky. The sky was dense with stars, galaxies, moons and planets, illuminating the forest in a blue light. It was mesmerising. 


Johahn had an idea. “Why don’t you go to the knoll on the other side of the forest and I can take some amazing photos of you through this telescope glass.”


I said “Okay, but wait for me and I’ll call you when I’m there and we can coordinate it.” I knew it would take me at least an hour to cross the forest and I would have to move quickly.


There was only one trail that crossed the forest , but it was faster for me to go off the trail and through the dense forest to the other grassy knoll. It was a more direct route to go off-trial and I didn’t want Johahn to be left waiting too long. I wanted to cross to the other knoll as quickly as possible.


So I set off into the forest briskly, parting the leaves and dense shrubs with my hands. 


Before long I came across a small, attractive girl who was passed out in the foliage, lying under ferns. She looked like she had come from a rave in the city. She was wearing a dishevelled, tiny dress that was exposing her naked body. I thought she must have taken some potent drugs and she was sleeping it off. I stopped and looked at her, but it felt wrong to stare because she was exposed. I felt bad for her because I knew she could easily be raped, lying almost naked in this forest near the city. But I felt I should keep moving. I didn’t want to keep Johahn waiting too long. 


I looked up and saw the trail ahead, and a group of friendly looking people moving along it. I turned and looked back in the direction I’d come from and I saw another small group of friendly looking people moving in my direction. I thought that they would likely find this passed out girl and take care of her. I convinced myself that she would be okay.

Glancing once more at the sleeping girl, I kept moving through the trees and vines, deeper into the forest. 
Even though it was night time, my visibly was very clear. The forest was so bright from the brilliant, shining stars in the sky above me. 


Johahn was waiting for me so I had to move fast. 


As I made my way through the trees, I would go between traversing dense foliage and then hitting the thin, winding trail that threaded through the forest. Weaving in and out. 


Then I came across the same passed out raver girl again. Almost naked, and sleeping just off the trail amidst a patch of low weeds. Somehow she’d been moved to this place. I stopped and looked at her again. It felt very strange. For some reason I knew she had been sleeping in this forest for days now. Was she dead? No, she was clearly breathing and sleeping. She looked peaceful. Those drugs she’d taken, whatever they were, must have been incredibly powerful. 


Suddenly, some old hippies called to me from behind a dense thicket of bushes. These hippies were guys whom I went to university with. Old friends. They seemed really excited to see me. “Hey dude, come here.” I followed their voices and saw them gathered around a trap door in the forest floor. “Dude, check out this room! It is awesome down here.” I paused for a moment and thought about the plan I had with Johahn. She was waiting patiently. “This won’t take long” I thought to myself. 


I went down the trapdoor with the hippies. It led into a huge, flooded underground room full of broken cement, plastic bottles and detritus. The hippies then began trying to convince me to move into the room and start renting it. This had turned into a bizarre room inspection. They were trying really hard to convince me to sign a rental contract.  “Dude, it has so much potential down here. This room is huge.” They looked at me full of hope and expectation. 


Squinting through the shadows, I looked around the room. Water dripped from the ceiling, hitting the dirty, gray pools below. It looked like a horrible place to live, but the hippies were so excited about it. 


As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I began to notice just how big the room was. It was almost the size of a school gymnasium. “Dude, you can dredge all the water out of here and convert it into an amazing art gallery. You’ve got the money, man. You can do it!” The hippies were becoming urgent.

Surveying my filthy surroundings, I thought “well, I guess I could set up one side of this giant room as my living area, and maybe divide it with a nice, red curtain. And the rest of the room could be an art gallery. I could throw huge underground art parties down here. That might work. But how will I breath? It’s completely underground, with the small trapdoor as the only entryway and exit. I’ll need to create some ventilation somehow.” It seemed like a logistical nightmare. 


I began to wonder how I had become so easily sidetracked on my journey through the forest and I felt bad about keeping Johahn waiting for me. I imagined her sitting by the telescope, wondering where I was. I looked at my phone and saw that she had tried to call me. 


I suddenly woke up and Johahn could tell that I’d been dreaming. She asked me “what happened?” 


“Well, you know Martin Place? You know where it leads to the botanic gardens? The gardens had changed into this huge forest, full of luscious foliage and passed-out ravers and party people. Martin place was populated by many rows of nightclubs. Just outside the forest, on the Martin Place side, was a grassy knoll underneath this unbelievably beautiful starry sky. And we found this telescope…”

Friday, September 30, 2022

Out N About



Doing laps around Eastpoint with my K-Nurse. Stronger and stronger every day



Friday, September 23, 2022

The best part about breaking your leg is…


 Learning how to take a one-legged shite. And then noticing that all the balancing and flexing is giving you some serious ninja turtle washboard! 

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Bionic leg




Nurse Amelia wanted to change my dressing today and I was able to get a first look at my leg. 15 staples in the mother! It doesn’t hurt too bad anymore and, according to Nurse Amelia, it’s healing amazingly well. I’m feeling very positive and ready to continue my healing journey towards a (touch wood) full recovery!






 

Saturday, September 17, 2022

Discharged in a chair to the rehab sanctuary

Visited by a Choo. My guardian Angel.

 
After convincing the physiotherapist and OT that I was in the safest hands of a loving family, they reluctantly discharged me in a chair.

I am very lucky in that one of my brothers is a trained nurse and my other brother (the one who rescued me) is strong as a bull and has been through his own rehab for serious injuries in the past. He is eventually going to help me rehabilitate in a pool, which is an excellent way to learn how to walk again. Submerged up to my neck, 90% of my body weight will be supported by water. I can rebuild strength this way and this is a future goal of mine.

The real test begins now. I am non-weight bearing for 8 weeks. Time to start wriggling my toes and try to resurrect my leg. I’ll channel Uma Thurman in Kill Bill - “wriggle your toes!”

First step is keeping circulation healthy, lots of blood thinners and keeping my leg elevated. I must avoid clotting at all costs in this delicate stage. 

My next steps will be to get lots of sleep, eating a perfect diet and beginning a regime of small exercises to get this new, metal leg of mine moving. 



The dream is that I’ll be able to start using this chart to build my leg, once I get feeling back in it.

They have me in a leg brace that I am able to unlock and bend to 90 degrees once my leg heals. The plates and screws holding my knee together are going to help new bone to grow and eventually, with time, I’ll have a new knee. I’ll be going for regular follow up X-rays to chart my progress. Eugene Chung is a master surgeon and he completed a very complicated procedure for me. I am lucky that I was able to secure his services. 

The mind is a powerful thing and I can heal my body with it. I believe in mind over matter. I will walk again! 

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Update on my recovery and another turn of fate


A remarkable turn of fate happened for me today. 

A kind wardsman came to move me into a new rehab unit today where I’m expected to do very well. We started chatting and he asked about what happened to me. I told him I fell off a cliff and he asked me where it was. I told him it was the cliffs behind the Fairmont hotel in Wentworth Falls. He paused and his face dropped. He then told me that he was ex-Police Rescue and knows the exact cliff I fell from. In his own words he’s pulled multiple deceased from that exact cliff. He describe bodies he's found in that valley as "jellified". He said flatly that I shouldn’t be alive today and asked me if I was a man of Faith. At that point I decided that I had to record an interview as a permanent reminder to treasure my good fortune. My head is spinning. Life has sent me the clearest message I’ve ever had - I am lucky to be here.

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Life is fragile - The valley where I nearly died


I was exploring a trail-less, uncharted valley with my bro. About 2 mins after I took this video, the soggy soil ground gave way above a cliff a little further down. I fell 10 metres onto a rocky creek bed in about 3 inches of water. If I was knocked unconscious I would’ve drowned, but by some miracle I managed to fall on my backpack. My leg was badly mangled and I’m facing a 90 minute operation (Update: turned out to be a 3.5 hour operation). I am posting this from my hospital bed where I’m facing a long stay. The doctors expect me to be here a few days at least, depending on how the surgery goes, and then extensive rehab. No guarantee I’ll be walking normally again. I’ll have a metal leg forever now, held together by plates and bolts. I’m lucky to be alive and I owe it to my brother who refused to leave me in the valley. With ropes and extreme perseverance I crawled out of there with his help. Adrenaline is an amazing thing (as is having an awesome brother). There was no phone signal. Life is fragile. I have been on thousands of technical bushwalks in my life. I have never injured myself. I will now never take life for granted ever again. Life has taken on a beautiful hue and I feel nothing but appreciation that I am still here. 

I’ll never forget the look of terror on my brother’s face when he found me. He thought I was dead and at that moment I saw his love for me. 

He saved me and I owe him my life. I crawled out of that valley with his help. It took hours. By the end he carried me to the top where we finally had phone reception. An ambulance soon arrived. They couldn’t understand how i managed to get out of the valley, given the extent of my injuries. They put me on lots of nice drugs and took me away to Dream land. My brother never left my side.





Saturday, September 10, 2022

Friday, September 2, 2022

Honeycomb Lungs - Paneye (music video)


Honeycomb Lungs

              ~

The tide sweeps me away
Horizon hides behind
Screens of turquoise rain

I'm going insane
So I'll hold my tongue
Silent red eyes
And honeycomb lungs

My brother nearby 
In a ghost gum cave
Resting our minds
On this quiet blue mountain top plain

Monday, August 29, 2022

(demo 30.8.22) Paneye - The Summer Died


Temple of clay

....And the image turned to grey

...When I wove this sad maze

I reside in the lies of our temple of clay

                  ~

The summer died and the image turned to grey

I made the pain when I wove this sad maze

I reside in the lies of our temple of clay.

Thursday, August 18, 2022

(music video) Paneye - killing the most beautiful thing I ever had



Johahn has kindly donated another video to the Paneye shelter :)

Tuesday, August 9, 2022

Grey Flap by Pist.On (Paneye cover)


Today I was fiddling around on my guitar and I came up with (what I think is) a pretty close riff to Grey Flap. Along with Parole, Grey Flap is my favourite Pist.On song. My Korean Personal Trainer also likes Grey Flap and suggested she film me playing it. She sent me over the video she made and I quite like it. I hope Henry Font sees it one day and that he likes it too.

Monday, June 13, 2022

Johahn directed a video for Eaten By Birds


The talented Korean film maestro, Johahn, my dear friend and accomplice, has kindly made a video clip for Eaten By Birds after I begged her for months.

Watch on YouTube here: Eaten By Birds

Thanks Johahn!


Saturday, June 11, 2022

Saturday, June 4, 2022

Sydney




 

Friday, June 3, 2022

Inspiration from megii

I had been struggling with the upcoming album artwork for Three Rings and Ten Moons.

Megii, an artistic kindred of mine, has sent me a beautiful concept for the album cover:




Megii is an extremely talented Sydney-based Artist. Check out her Insta and some of her work below:








Thursday, May 26, 2022